brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
