Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
