I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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