Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
And my parents said I crawled through the house
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
