i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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