I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Boobs speak an international language.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
