Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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