in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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