I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
