remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
