He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
