I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
