Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
