Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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