who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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