You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
