dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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