Don't make out with my wife yet
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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