She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
