Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
