Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Are my feet made of real feet?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
