somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
