Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
