Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I'm having to shit out rocks
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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