Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
