my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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