All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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