I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
