Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
