I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
