Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
