I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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