I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
