you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
