I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize