Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
