marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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