i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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