I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
