Well douche your snatch and let's go!
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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