is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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