Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
