Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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