WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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