ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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