He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
