Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
