I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
