grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
