i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼‍♀️
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
