There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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