O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
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