At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
