hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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