dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
