Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
