So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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