I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
pray to the hookup gods
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
