Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
