New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
tequila makes me forget i have legs
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
