So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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