So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
