hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
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