I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
