I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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