Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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