if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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