I got chris browned last night
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
