My nipple is on Facebook.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
