There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
