I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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