I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
