I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize