I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
