I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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