There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
