Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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