Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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