Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
