handjob tips. give me some.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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