I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize