so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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