nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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