Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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