the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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