her vagine was all disorganized.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize