he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
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