Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
