But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
