the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I enjoy the company of your penis
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