I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
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