My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
