I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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