Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize