if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
