We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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