Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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