Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
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