i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
