Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
