did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
