WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
