Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
