there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
