By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
