yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize