i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
