He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
