How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Randomize
