I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize