Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
