She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
