I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
